gilgamash, or a wrestling problem

"my whole body wrestling with myself. 

You don't understand music: you hear it. So hear me.."  - Clarice Lispector

..

that

     Nobody can well explain how this condition of No Dreams or DreamLessNess started, but it did. Some blamed it on a curse or something in the water or electromagnetic rays from outer space. Whatever the cause, that people stopped dreaming. The Mayor who was a shameless tool tried to step out in front to claim the benefits. Mayor ItsMe stood before the ancient wall downtown and did a press conference:

"Cmon PEOPLE we always knew that dreams were dangerous- mere neuro nonsense interrupting our practical everyday lives. I for one believe in a dreamless future for everybody.."

and people clapped...

this is a story about wrestling

this is a story about ancient walls

this is a story that flexes and will become whatever you need it to to become

and then Ralf woke up with a start...

excavate

excavate

excavate

this is a profound story ; you will cry and may never recover

Ralf couldn't wrap his head around the situation. He missed his dreams- he missed remembering or trying to remember the next day. He wasn't a writer by profession but he bought a notebook at the dollar store and began inventing dreams just to remember. It was an important ritual before bed. He would put on his PJs to write down the dream that never happened.

Dreams about sailing in a giant ship. Dreams about romance in foreign lands. Dreams about flying over the town and landing in a secret cave. He documented all of these in his fake dream book. And then out of nowhere, he started writing a very peculiar dream about people getting replaced; one of those fragmented dreams where a disturbing situation arises without a solution. Ralf was shocked by what he wrote but he could not stop. He wrote all night. And the next day his dream seemed to come true.

Ralf went in to work and this lady was sitting at Bruce's desk wearing a smirk. She was wearing Bruce's clothes but they didn't fit and neither did the smile- she kept trying to do Bruce's laugh which sounded more like a dying parrot.

"Morning Ralf," dying parrot laugh...

"Morning-"

he stopped and stared

"Can I help you with something?"

"Where's Bruce?"

and then she looked up with this intense gaze and said:

"but I am Bruce - right?"

and Ralf said, "yeah -of course."

and in that moment something unzipped -

words without recognition

Ralf didn't take a lunch break. It would've been impossible. This situation with Fake Bruce was too much; no one else seemed to notice or maybe they were all in on it.

Ralf wasn't going to say anything, so he kept making spreadsheets with fake numbers. He kept repeating to himself in a shrill voice,  "...but I'm Bruce," tap tap tapping away, as if each click was building a fence around his twitchy body.

He heard people say, "Night Bruce...", "Enjoy the Weekend, Bruce..."

"Animals," he muttered to himself.

And then without warning Fake Bruce was standing by his desk observing him.

Fake Bruce said, "so what's going on Buddy?"

"making reports."

"Ah- yes- reports," in a fake sunny voice

"So where's Bruce?"

He surprised himself, the question just popped out.

They looked at each other in silence a long time.

Then Fake Bruce smiled and said, "Lemme give you a lift home."

and Ralf said, "No, I couldn't possibly trouble you. It's late."

And Fake Bruce said, "Exactly why I insist, it's no bother."

Somehow Ralf was now completely and utterly trapped in this situation.

So be it, and momentarily he was stuck to his chair, but then flew up and bounded after Bruce who walked with a purposeful stride. They got to Bruce's car in the parking garage, a sleek black vehicle, like something from a spy movie in the 1950's.

And that's when Bruce announced, You drive and tossed the keys which Ralf immediately caught. He shrugged, slid in behind the driver's side. He did as instructed.

Of course they didn't go to Ralf's apartment. Soon they were on an old country road, leading far away from town.

Bruce rolled down the window and remarked, "but it's important to get out of dodge sometimes right, Ralfi?"

"Of course," said Ralf.

"Just clears the mind," said Bruce.

"Undoubtedly."

They drove for hours, the light draining from the murky green sky, the trees doing their thing, twisting and haunting automobiles as they passed.

Ralf knew things were getting worse, but he kept his eyes on the road. Actually he was no longer driving, the road moving thru him; whatever control he had fell away. Ralf considered his options; he could open the door and throw himself into the road or drive into a tree at 80 miles per hour, but neither was possible, not because of fear, but because of now being under Bruce's spell. This Fake Bruce possessed a power. Behind her sunglasses and bored smile lurked an energy which attracted and terrified.

"Ok Yep we're here," announced Bruce and Ralf turned the black knife car into a gravel parking lot by the jagged road.

"Ok."

Bruce produced a giant flashlight and beckoned Ralf to follow her into the woods.

"Let's go."

They walked for over an hour without speaking. The woods were like no other Ralf had seen. Shadows of large birds slipped from behind branches, the trees hissed, and the air was thick with sweat and cedar. They came to a clearing.

Bruce aimed the flashlight at some branches and said, "Over there, clear that stuff."

It was a dream shack; Ralf had heard of these, but thought it was a rumor- apparently not.

"Well, what're you waiting for?"

Fake Bruce watched Ralf as he removed the branches, opened the door and they went inside. The dream shack was cool and still; there was a small table glowing with candles and a record player- somebody must've set this up. Ralf was gripped by questions, but he wasn't going to ask. He sensed Bruce waiting for that and he refused to give her the satisfaction. They sat at the table. Bruce produced a bottle of liqor and she drank, passed Ralf the bottle and he drank and passed it back. Bruce then stood and poured the remains around the perimeter of the Dream Shack. Yeah this is a ritual, announced Bruce. A ritual is a way to move when you can no longer move and if you didn't know before Ralfi- that's your problem - you can no longer move.

She opened the phonograph and lay down the needle- a scratchy recording of piano music started. Bruce looked down at the candles; Ralf didn't know what do to, so he did the same; looking at the candles and listening to the scratchy piano-

and then the record skipped, the candles blew out and Bruce was on the floor screaming... flailing her arms and muttering

"what we call storytelling as we adore nonsense, the one part of the brain talking to the other, but don't the gods demand data- don't they? sure they do and everyone is so top down now, no one listens to the perimeter, the guts that speak, remember when ancient people would tear the guts from an animal, place them on an altar and ask the guts questions, that was true data!

Just like the Ancient Story of Gilgamesh which of course isn't really about Gilgamesh, it's about Enkidu- his wild innocent Buddy- a Buddy Comedy or Tragedy- hmm, but anyways the main character is always a trick because people never listen, they look out to the horizon for something that does not arrive. And if some wild innocent be-comes human we wonder well how did that happen? No one ever follows innocence back to the source ..."

Bruce then stood up and brushed the dust from her slacks and matter of factly explained-

"you know Ralf, in the story of Gilga Mesh, the ancients relied on these dreams for precise instructions. Decision fused with Image. Some people say, I only care for Real Life as if they know what that is. But we know this dream carries a force as Gilgamesh speaks of sex and death and making names. For the making of a name is everything..."

she looked at him as if to pull an answer from his guts.

"Making a name is the original shield against dust.. the ancients developed a language to record business transactions- counting and language developed side by side. And so GilgaMesh and Enkidu set out to slay the monster Humbaba to build their names.."

And Ralf nodded as if to admit he had zero idea what she was saying.

UTUPIA

Mayor ItsMe then said:

"Look People I know that there is so much concern around this situation of No-Dreams! BUT SERIOUSLY FOLKS, let me tell you I've been consulting with my X-Perts, a series of mid-level perverts, cronies and unfeeling wackos in the boardroom and from what I can see this is great news! People are gonna sleep better and be more productive; studies show that dreamlessness improves sex and delays inflammation- okay I made that part up but I AM THE MAYOR heee heee. Still there's all kinds of benefits! You gotta look to the Future, not to the sleep, because sleep is for cowards People. You think I got this big important job by consulting nocturnal visions? I mean a little bit, but still...and for centuries we homo sapes were obsessed with dreams like movies, but in the end it's not about people, it's about projection- Yall understand? No ? Good."

The Mayor's Rant in the Big Micro Phone echoed against the Nothing in People's Heads. The Sleep Nothing was whispering to them. The Dreams drying up and they were Emptified.

this new existence came to light slowly. No one spoke of it at first, except the Mayor doing his 'public service.'

THE THEORY OF THE ANCIENT WALL

On the other side of town there was an ancient wall and Mayor ItsMe was gonna tear it down-

"It's an EYE-sore People, meaning sore for me and worse for you. So what to do? It's exciting- we are gonna replace this old ugly wall with a giant LIVE TO WORK CENTER where people can live to work 24/7- YES!"

And he raised his eyes and people clapped with no feeling.

but then what was the actual truth of the ancient wall or talking wall as some called it?

The Mayor did another press conference- he loved these.

"Be-Cause architecture demands health so we need the right kind of buildings to regulate metabolism and blood pressure. Okay I made that part up, but studies do show things and you believe what I'm saying because it sounds right. We will have images and structures that build up life- YES!"

Right then the word FRAUD appeared on the wall and everyone held their breath except the Mayor didn't see what was behind him. As always with Photo Ops. His People consulted the video footage and shrugged. And they scheduled to bulldoze this wall that existed for centuries...

This is a story about image. This is a story about what we tolerate, about what appears and the distance between

.. but then it's too late - yaddda yadda yadda

Mayor ItsMe did have a plan which was for the people in the town to see the Right Kinds of Images so he hired more X-Perts to design a Museum of Correct Images-

MAYOR ItsMe spoke from his Bug Eyed Face:

"People! We will design the future with bright ideas okay! Nothing random and everything just so..."

And he raised his eyes so people knew when to clap.

ARTIFACTS

then Bruce said:

"in Gilgamesh THE STORY IS THE ARTI-FACT... some people believe Arti-facts are ancient objects that speak to us- walls or jars or bones and they build Museums to worship these pieces. Well I say the story is the original Arti-fact- what we do not dig up or display but lives between our ears -YEP..

the bigger question is your ability to get the message- Are you following me Bonehead Ralf?"

"No."

Ralf was thinking on the Old Wall, when he went and visited the Old Wall to get inspiration for his dream book. Perhaps dreams dried up in other people's heads but Ralf had some idea to reinvent dreaming. And this was somewhat remarkable as ideas rarely came to Ralf but now he followed a feeling or an ache. After the press conference he snuck back to the Old Wall with his dream book and started sketching. And this one image came of everyone getting replaced.

What do walls do? for instance a wall is the original immune system, protecting citizens and sealing them inside. The wall is a sexual symbol that defies space and practical jokes.

Gilgamesh was busy building walls for a wall is both stupid and eloquent. It asks are you in or out?

But to get replaced is to be a part of something.

BRUCE TALKING TO HERSELF..

then she says:

"OK

but we know

that NAMES ARE SPELLS and we are held to gether by NAMES. Even the wrong name serves a purpose..

Do you understand Ralfi Boy that when GilgaMesh and Enkidu went into the woods it was all about making a name? Start your Engines Kids!"

She grabbed Ralf and led him back outside into those humming woods.

"It's the same as us right now

Can you sense it right now?

The terror and glamor of those ancient woods that anything can happen-

it's in the air."

She sniffed melo dramatically-

"Meanwhile you expected another blank day at the office for this is how we survive- by shooting blanks - from one slow death to the next .. but this method evolved to prevent people from ripping each other to shreds- altho this forest might be Humbaba's forest and and so you prolly ain't safe out here either-"

she cackled

"Who?" asked Ralf with his blank stupefied face.

"Hum-Baba

Hum Baba was the ancient monster and the protector of the Cedar Forest- he was hired by the gods. Actually the monster was a question for it fell before Gilgamesh and begged for life but Gilga shrugged, chopped down Humbaba and paraded around town with the head.

Sometimes the monster is the hero. But don't tell anyone I said that - Damn am I dream drunk again...?

So then these two warriors go into the ancient forest like now, Gilga the spoiled royal and Enkidu the wild innocent. Enkidu got tempted and transformed. One minute he's running wild and then this priestess flashes him and WHAM - his eyes are open to Laws and the other beasts run away.

Gilga was crashing parties, Gilga sleeping with whoever so they sent this animal to tame him-

And Enkidu goes to stop Gilgamesh and they wrestled and then this thought happened:

     if I die, does the name go with me or does it echo?

if you ask me that's gotta be why Gilgamesh suggested they make adventures so their names would last for EVER

but maybe it does the opposite because afterall lust is lust..."

and then Bruce said -

The Truth is Ralf

WE ARE FOOD FOR DREAMS

and in this process of Replacing

WE ARE FOOD FOR DREAMS and

and in this process of retrieving data

some of these creepy dreams

might be watching us sleep and planning moves

fuck are we lost ?"

Xasperated

Bruce threw her high heel shoes at a tree; she was now hiking super fast in her tights, slipping on leaves

and Bruce said:

"I resent this situation, I mean messages from the past- like I read an ancient poem and I left home base to come here into this dangerous forest with one of my employees- WHY?

SIMPLE!

it's staff development, I develop the people who work for me or with me and now it seeems we had to get lost and I'm a little perturbed and scared- you know even bosses are allowed to get scared- yeah it's true- for what is our authority- to act like authorities meaning to protect the rules - who's rules?

- oh damn I'm being too honest again..."

 and she pulled out a bottle of some thing and took a long pull.

BRUCE then boozily sneered:

"Well Cmon Ralfi I thought you were a freaking genius so why not have a vision or something that tells us where to go you little pimple on the face of the sky!"

Ralf was shocked-

that was a harsh thing for her to say.

Ralf said,

"I thought that we can't have dreams, I mean I thought people can't do that anymore and I had this idea of our brains like egg shells in the trash.."

Bruce snapped,

"RALF you need to really knock it off okay. Your poetry or whatever is so freakin lame right now-

first of all - the number one fact is that we are living in a surveilance state right now- yeah- yep- so if you've been dreaming or doing anything horny or heartfelt it stands to reason it's being recorded by operatives. That shouldn't surprise you- such scandals are constant now and do allow for progress- you follow me?"

"I'm trying ..."

"well then come here you cute widdle dumbass-"

and Ralf fell before Bruce and she held him close

to lose all sense is the way to make sense

the WRESTLING MOMENT number one

at which point BRUCE seized Ralf and pro nounced

"Here Is The Deal Ralfi

a dream crisis happened

we paid big money for this crisis

a crisis is afterall

an investment in futures and possible ad-ventures

"you wanna know what I saw Ralfi Boy?"

her eyes locked onto Ralf's and became geometric-

squares and circles flying upward and Ralf whined

"what did you see?"

"you were wrestling.."

"me?"

"Yep- and there you were- wrapped up in this cuute little outfit with a cape and you were flipping bodies like a wild star.."

"so it's a symbol?"

"NO!

nothing about wrestling is symbolic !

Wrestling is just Wrestling!"

AND then WHAM!

RALF was backstage at the arena, he could hear the roar of the crowd and he looked down at his knobby knees below glittery shorts and felt the cape on his neck. Was this the moment? to move from sweaty woods to cool dressing room where the hairs on his neck stood up. His body was way ahead of him for we are the fear and adrenaline machines. And then Ralf began to think as we often mull over petty details before a death action -

Ralf said to himself:

but seriously, why do wrestling outfits expose so much flesh? is it about humiliation built on power or the power of humiliation, where the rubber body bounces into the ring so this arena becomes a version of those ancient woods ?

All the  wrestlers that Ralf saw on tv seemed to be made out of rubber- the big bodies that bounce. But Ralf's body was made of dirt and newspaper. Ralf was a house plant.

humiliation_

and through the Door

he could hear the crowd chanting, "Ralf Ralf Ralf!"

"Are you ready to wrestle?" she said

"No."

Bruce lit up a cig and made calculator eyes and pro-nounced

"look me in the eye and say Oh Yeah I'm ready Bruce and then you will be.."

"But what if I simply don't want to?"

"Of course you don't want to, but this here is my dream crisis and you are player one, so you better must follow the script. We are in a contract now drawn up in humiliation- ooh yeah!"

and a plume of smoke issued from her rosy lips and haloed Ralf

"if you say so.."

"Not just me, but my dream crisis agrees with me," smug Bruce smile.

THE METEORS THAT BOUNCE

before he met Enkidu, Gilgamesh dreamt of a giant rock that fell from the sky. He tried to lift the rock, but it would not budge. ding ding.

and the epic kid asked his mom Ninsun who was a god,

 "Ma- what do I do?"

and she said, "Keep your hands to yourself Bozo."

if it is fight night and we are unable to respond

     are we still responsible?

and Bruce blew a cloud of smoke that wrapped around Ralf

and she slapped him on the butt like her property, as you might tell a horse to giddy up and Ralf felt his body come to life

REWIND

YEARS BACK

Ralf had a sister named Gertie- she was Daddy's Favorite - a very special Girl with enormous potential and Ralf lived in her shadow- Ralfi was always known as Gertie's brother- everything he did was measured against Gertie

until she lost her mind

unexpected events destroyed Gertie and from that moment on she never left the house- watching sitcoms about families where everything is resolved in just about 30 minutes

now Gertie could neither sit nor stand- she hovered

- drinking soda and smoking menthol cigarettes, she believed in the color green.

"Family is everything," pronounced Gertie and Ralf believed her

Years earlier Gertie fell for a famous wrestler named Vera Divina. Vera arrived in town for a wrestling convention- Vera was a valedictorian, a linguist, a botanist and also a wrestling dynamo with amazing arms and legs that flashed like sharks underwater. She took apart everyone in the ring. Gertie was infatuated and went to Vera's dressing room for an autograph and then got a whole lot more. Ding Ding. There was a scandal and Vera escaped in a minivan. Gertie dropped out of high school and never recovered.

"Wrestling is fake," she pronounced, "but family is real."

and Ralf woke up from this dream so vivid it shook him.